Post by aneaglesangel on Jun 6, 2006 17:09:22 GMT -5
I will say again, I hope my stories do not hurt anyone. My eagle is a local person, so I know that someone here, could possibly know him. I hope that in these stories, others can take out of my experiences what I have. The only thing I walk away from this with is the love in my heart, but as I see it, that's the only thing you CAN take with you when you die!!
So now you know most of my story. I admit I've left many things out, but I want you to know the stories that I have shared with you are a skeleton to a book I'd like to write. I want to name it Eagles Soar Forever, and give to the world hope. For wouldn't it bring hope to the world to know that love can live on forever?? To know that when we die, we don't end, and that if we love strongly enough, two souls CAN be bound in love, as soul mates?? This next story that I'm going to tell you shows how I found all of these things out. This last story and the picture that accompanies it, has changed my life more than I could ever tell you, but I know one thing for sure, it has made it better, and I am stronger and more sure of myself than I have ever been in my entire life!
After my contact with the shaman, I studied. I learned about many subjects having to do with the paranormal, NDE's, OBE's, Psychic Phenomena, Deja vu, Sleep Paralysis, many others having to do with ghosts and hauntings. I also began to study shamanism and began a medicine wheel to heal myself, and become stronger to defeat the NEF that had been plaguing me for so many years. Looking back on it, I realize, I was a mother protecting her children and though I grew from the experience, a scar remained that I could not heal. Somehow, I managed to banish the negative energy feeder. Remembering that night, it seems it was so simple, if only I had known when I was younger that I had the power over this thing, my life might be very different today! But defeat it, I did, and a long time of peace came to my family.
Slowly, activity returned and at first I was fearful. But then I remembered the night of the spirits battling and I became aware that there was more than one spirit. I tried so hard to ignore them, but no matter how hard I tried, activity still happened around me, and my homes, wherever I went, they followed. I got used to it, ignored it, asked for it to stop at times, but in my heart I wanted to know more, something told me Leo was one of them. But how could that be, the shaman had told me Leo was gone far away. He'd told me because Leo had given his life to save me, that he was sent to be a higher life form, he was many planes of existence ahead of me.
Lonely in this human form, I did date, but noone could fill Leo's shoes and none of my relationships lasted all that long. My sons remained the most important part of my life, and I had much to do as their mother. Both of my sons suffer bi-polar disorder and ADHD and have been quite a challenge to raise. I had my horses, an occasional boyfriend and my boys, the years passed and I began to wonder if I'd ever love anyone, or ever be married.
Then I met M. Funny, I look back on the day we met. I remember looking at him and thinking to myself, that man is going to hurt me bad. I hesitated and my friend said, what are you crazy, go after him, he's FINE!!! I looked back at him, and those sparkling big brown eyes of his and thought to myself, hell, it will be one hell of a ride though!! So, yes, I went after him, and I fell so in love with him, more than I had thought possible.
Now that I look back on it, I can't lay all the blame on him. You see, I haven't been a whole person since I lost Leo. A part of me has been with him on the other side. The part of me that was here, was lost. In order to love, one must be willing to give their whole self, not just a part of it! I also know how much M loved me, and that in a way I failed him by never giving him my whole self, but he failed me much more than I failed him.
We went out for years, it was a long distance relationship and sometimes, we weren't able to see each other for extended periods of time. The first year and a half were the best times for us. He hadn't started cheating yet and we talked and became very close. For the first time, I had a man who seemed to understand me and all my little quirks. He let me be free, he never told me what to do. He never asked where I'd been, what I'd been doing, who I'd been with. It felt like heaven to me, I'd never had that. All of my ex's had been jealous, insecure and controlling, I took this to mean that maybe he was the one.
Little things started happening when he was around my house. Things would fall, things would break, things started getting thrown. This happened slowly over time, but I started to wonder about it. I'd never had anything broken in my house before. Even when the energy feeder came, it only shook beds and attacked, it never broke anything! I also began to notice that M was having trouble being intimate with me. After 9/11 he'd been laid off, so he used that as an excuse, and I could understand. A man is a proud creature and if he's broke and can't find a job, he's an insecure, hurt man. I gave him space, I didn't push, I tried to be supportive, I loved him, I wanted him to get through it.
For my birthday, I twisted his arm to go on a Casino cruise with me. My friend was going and her boyfriend's band was playing, I thought it would be fun. I had my hair done by the hairdresser, I dressed from head to toe, I was a knockout that night and I know it. I hate to sound conceited but I know any other man would have been all over me that day. But not M. He told me how beautiful I looked, he held me, he hugged me, he kissed me, but that was it. I let it go and figured he didn't want to be late, and that when we got home, he'd jump me. The cruise was magical, I took pictures of us and our friends all night. We came home that night, got into bed, he wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep. I laid awake wondering what had gone wrong, and feeling pretty bad, but not wanting to hurt him, I felt I should let it go. I was so wrong!!
The next day, we were in his house and I had a few shots left in the cam. I grabbed a quick shot of him coming into his living room. He complained that he hated it when someone grabbed a shot when he wasn't ready. So I told him to make a muscle man for me then. He did, I snapped the shot. No more than 30 seconds passed between shots. A few days later, I picked up the pictures. On inspection, I noticed one of the shots had what appeared to be a misty substance on it. It was the second shot I'd taken of M in his house. I knew I didn't smoke in that room, so I showed the pic to M who was at my house at the time. I joked and told him that we'd captured a ghost at his house. He told me it looked like cigarette smoke. I said that could be true except that I didn't smoke in there. Actually, I'd been outside smoking on his wraparound porch enjoying the day a few moments before I took the pics. I was on the other side of the house and I'm d**ned sure the smoke didn't get in and couldn't have lasted that long. I didn't say anything I just put the pics together and showed him one of the two of us that I thought was so nice we should blow it up and frame it. He agreed. The rest of the pics went back into the package and put away in a drawer.
About a year later, M was at my house. We had just had an experience at the house in which a ceramic apple had flown across the room to smash on the floor. I was showing him the pictures on SL that have mists and ectoplasm in them. After looking at them, he called out to me, "Hey babe, where's that pic you took that had the "ecto" in it?" I thought for a moment then went to get them out of the drawer. I shuffled through, found the pic and handed it to him. He looked at it carefully this time, "hmm, you don't smoke over there, hmmm.....it does really look like that stuff they call ecto on this website." I took the picture from him and told him that's what I said the first time I saw it. I even grabbed the first pic I had taken and asked him how it could have popped up so quickly. I told him that he knew I had taken them one after the other. Then I dropped the pic on the table. That was when a word popped out at me! I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. "Oh my God," I said. I felt as if I'd fall over if you blew on me!!!!
"What?" he asked. "That picture says "Leo", I told him. He picked it up, looked at it for a moment, then dropped it like it was hot, "Yes, it does." He said it in a very bland tone, and there was a flat look that came into his eyes. I don't know why I didn't know right then and there. But I didn't want to know, I didn't want to believe. Really, I knew, but I just couldn't face it.
Days later, it was on my mind. I asked myself, why would Leo show up in a picture of M? I sat at my computer, feeling miserable. I felt as if somehow, I held him here. I felt so guilty and horrible. Part of me wondered why hadn't M touched me for so long?? Why? Why? Why? All the questions I had seemed to spin in my head. As I sat there, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a program pop up on my screen. I looked up and as I watched, letters typed themselves into the yahoo messenger, then a password, and it signed itself on as M's screen name. A ton of offline messages came up, but I sat and stared for a moment, not sure what had just happened. But then, curiosity got the best of me, and well, I snooped. I read his offline messages, I read his mail, I read the archives. I read it all, by the time I was done, my heart was broken. M was a cheater, a very, very bad cheater. My world shattered around me.
Not only was I devastated by M's cheating, but I was obliterated at thinking that I had not only caused Leo's death, but I was keeping him stuck in my plane, because of my need for him, or my love for him, or well, something that I had done wrong, I just knew it, I was the cause of his being "trapped" here. Or at least that's how I thought of it. It has now been three years since I saw that name written across my ex's face. It has taken me that long, with the help of others, to come to terms with all of this and to finally understand.
I have been told it was Leo's choice to come back. That his love for me was stronger than anything, and that even God himself had given him permission to come back. That now he is my protector on the other side. Somehow, his act of giving of himself, connected him to me in a way that no force may drive asunder. I think that somehow we have known each other before, and that we are probably the one thing people search for, sometimes their whole lives, we are soul mates. One needs the other to survive, when one is gone, the other is missing an integral piece of themself. I also know that Leo wants me to live, he wants me to love, he wants me to have the joys of this life on earth. It's his gift to me, and now that I understand, I have a job to do, and that is simply, to live.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to search for answers. I'm going to fulfill my destiny. I will do it with as much love and life as I can, for I live for two souls. I know now that it wasn't Leo who touched me those times. I am not ready for that, you see, I am still physical. When I look back on that last time Rita touched my hair and I thought it might be Leo, I realize something important. I am still physical, I look at love in a physical way. That night when I spun around to see if I'd see a ghost, I was really looking for Leo, and if he'd been standing there, I would have jumped up and tried to hug him. There would have been nothing there but air, even if he had been standing there. It's funny but it took that to make me realize why he stays away. His love is different now, it's the kind of love you feel when you're a spirit, it comes from your soul and there is nothing physical to it at all. I'm a soul in a physical body, I would have been devastated to wrap my arms around him and not feel him there. He knew it, but I didn't. Just like he knows how very much I'm still in love with him. You see, I didn't know that, until Rita came and touched my hair that night. I've finally realized what I need to do to fix the scar that has never fully healed. I will be whole, for the first time in my life, and I welcome it!!
In my future, I hope to be able to speak with the spirits, to see them astrally and maybe to help some of them. I know I can help the living deal with spirits. All I have to do is follow my heart, Leo will protect me in all I do, so I have no reason to fear. So the next few years, I have a lot of work to do. I want to write my book, and I hope it brings hope to others. I want to learn whatever gifts I have that makes the spirits come to me. While I'm here on this earth I want to help others and give them hope, for I've got a lot of catching up to do, so I can reach out and touch the eagle's wings!! I know it's going to be a long road, and in order for me to do it, I will have to face a procedure to fix my spine that I've been dreading and putting off. I'm pretty sure once they fix my spine, I'll find my abilities are right there, once the pain is gone and my nerves stop firing off all the time!! Don't ask me how, I just know, LOL!! It's going to take me time, time to heal my mind and body, time to learn what to do with the abilities once I've gotten them back. But I've got plenty of time, you see, that was Leo's gift, time!!!!!!!
Here is the pic, and I wish you could see it as well as the original picture!! Behind M's head there is a beautiful circle of light, and I think it was Leo on his way out of this plane, after he'd finished writing his message, that once again, saved me!! So to my hero, my love, my soulmate, my promise. I will live my life as if every moment counts, I will love every moment that I'm alive. When my time comes I will fly to you and we'll go to that place you told me about. For now I truly do believe it exists!!!
Dedicated to my eagle! Mario L. (Leo) Nieuwenhuizen July 19, 1963-November 29, 1982
Thank you for helping me find my heart!! See you on the other side!!
So now you know most of my story. I admit I've left many things out, but I want you to know the stories that I have shared with you are a skeleton to a book I'd like to write. I want to name it Eagles Soar Forever, and give to the world hope. For wouldn't it bring hope to the world to know that love can live on forever?? To know that when we die, we don't end, and that if we love strongly enough, two souls CAN be bound in love, as soul mates?? This next story that I'm going to tell you shows how I found all of these things out. This last story and the picture that accompanies it, has changed my life more than I could ever tell you, but I know one thing for sure, it has made it better, and I am stronger and more sure of myself than I have ever been in my entire life!
After my contact with the shaman, I studied. I learned about many subjects having to do with the paranormal, NDE's, OBE's, Psychic Phenomena, Deja vu, Sleep Paralysis, many others having to do with ghosts and hauntings. I also began to study shamanism and began a medicine wheel to heal myself, and become stronger to defeat the NEF that had been plaguing me for so many years. Looking back on it, I realize, I was a mother protecting her children and though I grew from the experience, a scar remained that I could not heal. Somehow, I managed to banish the negative energy feeder. Remembering that night, it seems it was so simple, if only I had known when I was younger that I had the power over this thing, my life might be very different today! But defeat it, I did, and a long time of peace came to my family.
Slowly, activity returned and at first I was fearful. But then I remembered the night of the spirits battling and I became aware that there was more than one spirit. I tried so hard to ignore them, but no matter how hard I tried, activity still happened around me, and my homes, wherever I went, they followed. I got used to it, ignored it, asked for it to stop at times, but in my heart I wanted to know more, something told me Leo was one of them. But how could that be, the shaman had told me Leo was gone far away. He'd told me because Leo had given his life to save me, that he was sent to be a higher life form, he was many planes of existence ahead of me.
Lonely in this human form, I did date, but noone could fill Leo's shoes and none of my relationships lasted all that long. My sons remained the most important part of my life, and I had much to do as their mother. Both of my sons suffer bi-polar disorder and ADHD and have been quite a challenge to raise. I had my horses, an occasional boyfriend and my boys, the years passed and I began to wonder if I'd ever love anyone, or ever be married.
Then I met M. Funny, I look back on the day we met. I remember looking at him and thinking to myself, that man is going to hurt me bad. I hesitated and my friend said, what are you crazy, go after him, he's FINE!!! I looked back at him, and those sparkling big brown eyes of his and thought to myself, hell, it will be one hell of a ride though!! So, yes, I went after him, and I fell so in love with him, more than I had thought possible.
Now that I look back on it, I can't lay all the blame on him. You see, I haven't been a whole person since I lost Leo. A part of me has been with him on the other side. The part of me that was here, was lost. In order to love, one must be willing to give their whole self, not just a part of it! I also know how much M loved me, and that in a way I failed him by never giving him my whole self, but he failed me much more than I failed him.
We went out for years, it was a long distance relationship and sometimes, we weren't able to see each other for extended periods of time. The first year and a half were the best times for us. He hadn't started cheating yet and we talked and became very close. For the first time, I had a man who seemed to understand me and all my little quirks. He let me be free, he never told me what to do. He never asked where I'd been, what I'd been doing, who I'd been with. It felt like heaven to me, I'd never had that. All of my ex's had been jealous, insecure and controlling, I took this to mean that maybe he was the one.
Little things started happening when he was around my house. Things would fall, things would break, things started getting thrown. This happened slowly over time, but I started to wonder about it. I'd never had anything broken in my house before. Even when the energy feeder came, it only shook beds and attacked, it never broke anything! I also began to notice that M was having trouble being intimate with me. After 9/11 he'd been laid off, so he used that as an excuse, and I could understand. A man is a proud creature and if he's broke and can't find a job, he's an insecure, hurt man. I gave him space, I didn't push, I tried to be supportive, I loved him, I wanted him to get through it.
For my birthday, I twisted his arm to go on a Casino cruise with me. My friend was going and her boyfriend's band was playing, I thought it would be fun. I had my hair done by the hairdresser, I dressed from head to toe, I was a knockout that night and I know it. I hate to sound conceited but I know any other man would have been all over me that day. But not M. He told me how beautiful I looked, he held me, he hugged me, he kissed me, but that was it. I let it go and figured he didn't want to be late, and that when we got home, he'd jump me. The cruise was magical, I took pictures of us and our friends all night. We came home that night, got into bed, he wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep. I laid awake wondering what had gone wrong, and feeling pretty bad, but not wanting to hurt him, I felt I should let it go. I was so wrong!!
The next day, we were in his house and I had a few shots left in the cam. I grabbed a quick shot of him coming into his living room. He complained that he hated it when someone grabbed a shot when he wasn't ready. So I told him to make a muscle man for me then. He did, I snapped the shot. No more than 30 seconds passed between shots. A few days later, I picked up the pictures. On inspection, I noticed one of the shots had what appeared to be a misty substance on it. It was the second shot I'd taken of M in his house. I knew I didn't smoke in that room, so I showed the pic to M who was at my house at the time. I joked and told him that we'd captured a ghost at his house. He told me it looked like cigarette smoke. I said that could be true except that I didn't smoke in there. Actually, I'd been outside smoking on his wraparound porch enjoying the day a few moments before I took the pics. I was on the other side of the house and I'm d**ned sure the smoke didn't get in and couldn't have lasted that long. I didn't say anything I just put the pics together and showed him one of the two of us that I thought was so nice we should blow it up and frame it. He agreed. The rest of the pics went back into the package and put away in a drawer.
About a year later, M was at my house. We had just had an experience at the house in which a ceramic apple had flown across the room to smash on the floor. I was showing him the pictures on SL that have mists and ectoplasm in them. After looking at them, he called out to me, "Hey babe, where's that pic you took that had the "ecto" in it?" I thought for a moment then went to get them out of the drawer. I shuffled through, found the pic and handed it to him. He looked at it carefully this time, "hmm, you don't smoke over there, hmmm.....it does really look like that stuff they call ecto on this website." I took the picture from him and told him that's what I said the first time I saw it. I even grabbed the first pic I had taken and asked him how it could have popped up so quickly. I told him that he knew I had taken them one after the other. Then I dropped the pic on the table. That was when a word popped out at me! I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. "Oh my God," I said. I felt as if I'd fall over if you blew on me!!!!
"What?" he asked. "That picture says "Leo", I told him. He picked it up, looked at it for a moment, then dropped it like it was hot, "Yes, it does." He said it in a very bland tone, and there was a flat look that came into his eyes. I don't know why I didn't know right then and there. But I didn't want to know, I didn't want to believe. Really, I knew, but I just couldn't face it.
Days later, it was on my mind. I asked myself, why would Leo show up in a picture of M? I sat at my computer, feeling miserable. I felt as if somehow, I held him here. I felt so guilty and horrible. Part of me wondered why hadn't M touched me for so long?? Why? Why? Why? All the questions I had seemed to spin in my head. As I sat there, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a program pop up on my screen. I looked up and as I watched, letters typed themselves into the yahoo messenger, then a password, and it signed itself on as M's screen name. A ton of offline messages came up, but I sat and stared for a moment, not sure what had just happened. But then, curiosity got the best of me, and well, I snooped. I read his offline messages, I read his mail, I read the archives. I read it all, by the time I was done, my heart was broken. M was a cheater, a very, very bad cheater. My world shattered around me.
Not only was I devastated by M's cheating, but I was obliterated at thinking that I had not only caused Leo's death, but I was keeping him stuck in my plane, because of my need for him, or my love for him, or well, something that I had done wrong, I just knew it, I was the cause of his being "trapped" here. Or at least that's how I thought of it. It has now been three years since I saw that name written across my ex's face. It has taken me that long, with the help of others, to come to terms with all of this and to finally understand.
I have been told it was Leo's choice to come back. That his love for me was stronger than anything, and that even God himself had given him permission to come back. That now he is my protector on the other side. Somehow, his act of giving of himself, connected him to me in a way that no force may drive asunder. I think that somehow we have known each other before, and that we are probably the one thing people search for, sometimes their whole lives, we are soul mates. One needs the other to survive, when one is gone, the other is missing an integral piece of themself. I also know that Leo wants me to live, he wants me to love, he wants me to have the joys of this life on earth. It's his gift to me, and now that I understand, I have a job to do, and that is simply, to live.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to search for answers. I'm going to fulfill my destiny. I will do it with as much love and life as I can, for I live for two souls. I know now that it wasn't Leo who touched me those times. I am not ready for that, you see, I am still physical. When I look back on that last time Rita touched my hair and I thought it might be Leo, I realize something important. I am still physical, I look at love in a physical way. That night when I spun around to see if I'd see a ghost, I was really looking for Leo, and if he'd been standing there, I would have jumped up and tried to hug him. There would have been nothing there but air, even if he had been standing there. It's funny but it took that to make me realize why he stays away. His love is different now, it's the kind of love you feel when you're a spirit, it comes from your soul and there is nothing physical to it at all. I'm a soul in a physical body, I would have been devastated to wrap my arms around him and not feel him there. He knew it, but I didn't. Just like he knows how very much I'm still in love with him. You see, I didn't know that, until Rita came and touched my hair that night. I've finally realized what I need to do to fix the scar that has never fully healed. I will be whole, for the first time in my life, and I welcome it!!
In my future, I hope to be able to speak with the spirits, to see them astrally and maybe to help some of them. I know I can help the living deal with spirits. All I have to do is follow my heart, Leo will protect me in all I do, so I have no reason to fear. So the next few years, I have a lot of work to do. I want to write my book, and I hope it brings hope to others. I want to learn whatever gifts I have that makes the spirits come to me. While I'm here on this earth I want to help others and give them hope, for I've got a lot of catching up to do, so I can reach out and touch the eagle's wings!! I know it's going to be a long road, and in order for me to do it, I will have to face a procedure to fix my spine that I've been dreading and putting off. I'm pretty sure once they fix my spine, I'll find my abilities are right there, once the pain is gone and my nerves stop firing off all the time!! Don't ask me how, I just know, LOL!! It's going to take me time, time to heal my mind and body, time to learn what to do with the abilities once I've gotten them back. But I've got plenty of time, you see, that was Leo's gift, time!!!!!!!
Here is the pic, and I wish you could see it as well as the original picture!! Behind M's head there is a beautiful circle of light, and I think it was Leo on his way out of this plane, after he'd finished writing his message, that once again, saved me!! So to my hero, my love, my soulmate, my promise. I will live my life as if every moment counts, I will love every moment that I'm alive. When my time comes I will fly to you and we'll go to that place you told me about. For now I truly do believe it exists!!!
Dedicated to my eagle! Mario L. (Leo) Nieuwenhuizen July 19, 1963-November 29, 1982
Thank you for helping me find my heart!! See you on the other side!!