Post by aneaglesangel on Jun 6, 2006 16:54:36 GMT -5
I think everyone knows by now that I've been haunted all my life by dreams that would come true after dreaming them. Guilt filled my soul, for I felt there was the possibility that if I'd told my father about my dream as a child, maybe I could have saved him. I believed that if I'd just spoken to Leo and told him of the dreams I'd been having, maybe I could have saved him, too. I don't think I ever mentally said these things to myself, but I know I felt them. I know I felt I was to blame for both of their deaths.
Some time during my teens, I'd begun to suffer from severe migraines. At one point the pain could be so bad, that I'd pass out and have a grande mal seizure. Everyone began to worry about me and begged me to see a doctor about this. I finally made an appointment when the migraines began to affect my life and work. When training the kinds of horses I was working with at the time, I needed to be healthy, mentally and physically. So if you have to know, I went to the doctor's for my horses.
The visits with the doctor started out like any usual appointment for such a thing. After the initial office visit, he sent me for many tests. After completing, MRI's, ct scans, etc., he had me go back in for another office visit. Looking back on some of these appointments I find it hard to believe that not one doctor noticed the fusion going on in my cervical spine. I later found out, the pressure on my nerves from the
fusion in my neck was causing all the symptoms I was having then, and some new and painful ones now. At the time, I didn't know about the fusion, I figured it was hormones, stress or something to that affect.
The doctor took me in his office to discuss the results of all the tests. Or so I thought. He began to ask me some questions that surprised me quite a bit! At first I didn't know if I should answer truthfully, or not. Noone had ever asked me if I had dreams that came true, or if I ever had any episodes in my sleep. He specifically asked me if I had ghosts!!! It
took a few moments for me to decide whether or not I could trust this man with my secrets, for noone had ever known, it was my secret at this time and I guarded it well. I told him the truth finally, all about having dreams that came true. I told him of the attacks that occurred, I told
him that I did, in fact, have dreams that came true, but I didn't tell him the nature of any of those dreams.
What he told me next, shocked me, and I sooo wanted to believe it! He told me that I don't dream things before they happen. He told me that deja vu is a type of seizure and that when you think you're seeing deja vu, it's really a seizure bringing your mind back in time and then back to present so that you see time twice. He says it's the skip in the time scale that your brain makes when one of these seizures occur that makes you think it happened before, when it really didn't. He told me that the
attacks in the night weren't the acts of a spirit. He told me it was sleep paralysis. I remember that I felt soooo relieved! I'd spent my life thinking I was crazy or imagining things, or that I had one heck of a mean ghost on my hands. But none of it was true. It was seizures. Wow, what a load off my mind!!! He asked me if I'd participate in a study, he said he was doing research on deja vu and he'd like me to join. I told him I'd think about it.
I remember I was still feeling relieved and better than I had for years when I left the office that day. I thought how I'd have to learn to control this. Then as I drove, a thought hit me like a ton of lead. I was eight when I had the "seizure" deja vu about my dad dying. What, had I been in a seizure for nine years!?? Then I began to think about the dreams I had during the weeks before the accident that took Leo from me. Had I been having a seizure for weeks??? This didn't make any sense to me, not anymore.
So began my research. I started reading anything I could get my hands on having to do with paralysis, seizures, sleep seizures, deja vu, and NDE. I found that during a sleep seizure episode many things can take place, but one thing that was the same on all counts, was that you can't move during sleep paralysis. I could move, but just couldn't get up because of the weight that would hold me down. I found that someone in the throes of sleep paralysis can be instantly pulled out of the state by contact
with another body. I found out how similar and different others NDE's were to my experiences. After years of research, I have to conclude that I was not having sleep seizures, and I was having deja vu episodes.
One major thing that helped me to come to these conclusions, was not only my personal feelings on the experiences, but the way my cat would act when an episode would commence. She was just as, if not more,
frightened than I was myself. She'd run and hide whenever the famous stomping feet would march across my bed. That's another thing, I could SEE the footprints as they happened. Yes, I know many alien abductees are victims of sleep paralysis and their visions are really lucid dreams. But I wasn't dreaming, I was aware, frightened and fighting. I was even hurt when it came to me in bed with my baby. It had wrenched my arm
back so strongly, I was seen in the Emergency Room the next day. I don't care what anyone says, I know I couldn't have hurt myself that badly on my own. I know that I held it in my hand that night, I remember the
coldness as if it were yesterday.
During these incidents, there was no other visual sight of the entity, only its footprints denting the covers on my bed. There were many times that I knew it was coming for I could see its steps imprinting the bed, I'd
try to be quick and jump from my bed, only to be PUSHED BACK DOWN so it could hold me in its terrible grip. It knew I feared it more than anything else, and I know it enjoyed it. I remember so many times, watching the prints going across the bottom of my bed. I swear it would wait until I was trying to flee, only to push me back down. I believe it enjoyed the feelings I fed it, one moment the hope of escape, next the agony of no escape!! At times, I've kicked so hard and flailed my arms and legs so hard that the evidence of my struggles would be clear to see. Blankets and pillows strewn about the room, sore muscles from fighting
so hard to be free. Another thing I do know, once I had gained control of my emotions and stopped the fear from flowing through my veins, it would release me. As long as I struggled, it had power over me. This I
know in my heart. I was not the victim of sleep paralysis, though how I wish I was! I was the victim of a negative energy feeder and it thought it had my number!!! Another good reason is that, well, sleep paralysis
isn't contagious. In other words, being around someone who has sleep seizures doesn't make you catch it. If I have a chance to, I'll include a couple of events that my youngest son's father experienced. One of them
was very much the same as one of my "paralysis" episodes. I guarantee he may have caught a cold or flu bug from me a few times, but I know he didn't catch sleep paralysis from me!!!
If only I had known then, what I know now!! The years I lived in fear of when its next visit would be could be erased. For you see, the one thing I didn't know, was that I had the power to remove it from my life. I
just didn't know it, and I didn't know how to do it. But like I keep saying, that's a whole 'nother story!!
Some time during my teens, I'd begun to suffer from severe migraines. At one point the pain could be so bad, that I'd pass out and have a grande mal seizure. Everyone began to worry about me and begged me to see a doctor about this. I finally made an appointment when the migraines began to affect my life and work. When training the kinds of horses I was working with at the time, I needed to be healthy, mentally and physically. So if you have to know, I went to the doctor's for my horses.
The visits with the doctor started out like any usual appointment for such a thing. After the initial office visit, he sent me for many tests. After completing, MRI's, ct scans, etc., he had me go back in for another office visit. Looking back on some of these appointments I find it hard to believe that not one doctor noticed the fusion going on in my cervical spine. I later found out, the pressure on my nerves from the
fusion in my neck was causing all the symptoms I was having then, and some new and painful ones now. At the time, I didn't know about the fusion, I figured it was hormones, stress or something to that affect.
The doctor took me in his office to discuss the results of all the tests. Or so I thought. He began to ask me some questions that surprised me quite a bit! At first I didn't know if I should answer truthfully, or not. Noone had ever asked me if I had dreams that came true, or if I ever had any episodes in my sleep. He specifically asked me if I had ghosts!!! It
took a few moments for me to decide whether or not I could trust this man with my secrets, for noone had ever known, it was my secret at this time and I guarded it well. I told him the truth finally, all about having dreams that came true. I told him of the attacks that occurred, I told
him that I did, in fact, have dreams that came true, but I didn't tell him the nature of any of those dreams.
What he told me next, shocked me, and I sooo wanted to believe it! He told me that I don't dream things before they happen. He told me that deja vu is a type of seizure and that when you think you're seeing deja vu, it's really a seizure bringing your mind back in time and then back to present so that you see time twice. He says it's the skip in the time scale that your brain makes when one of these seizures occur that makes you think it happened before, when it really didn't. He told me that the
attacks in the night weren't the acts of a spirit. He told me it was sleep paralysis. I remember that I felt soooo relieved! I'd spent my life thinking I was crazy or imagining things, or that I had one heck of a mean ghost on my hands. But none of it was true. It was seizures. Wow, what a load off my mind!!! He asked me if I'd participate in a study, he said he was doing research on deja vu and he'd like me to join. I told him I'd think about it.
I remember I was still feeling relieved and better than I had for years when I left the office that day. I thought how I'd have to learn to control this. Then as I drove, a thought hit me like a ton of lead. I was eight when I had the "seizure" deja vu about my dad dying. What, had I been in a seizure for nine years!?? Then I began to think about the dreams I had during the weeks before the accident that took Leo from me. Had I been having a seizure for weeks??? This didn't make any sense to me, not anymore.
So began my research. I started reading anything I could get my hands on having to do with paralysis, seizures, sleep seizures, deja vu, and NDE. I found that during a sleep seizure episode many things can take place, but one thing that was the same on all counts, was that you can't move during sleep paralysis. I could move, but just couldn't get up because of the weight that would hold me down. I found that someone in the throes of sleep paralysis can be instantly pulled out of the state by contact
with another body. I found out how similar and different others NDE's were to my experiences. After years of research, I have to conclude that I was not having sleep seizures, and I was having deja vu episodes.
One major thing that helped me to come to these conclusions, was not only my personal feelings on the experiences, but the way my cat would act when an episode would commence. She was just as, if not more,
frightened than I was myself. She'd run and hide whenever the famous stomping feet would march across my bed. That's another thing, I could SEE the footprints as they happened. Yes, I know many alien abductees are victims of sleep paralysis and their visions are really lucid dreams. But I wasn't dreaming, I was aware, frightened and fighting. I was even hurt when it came to me in bed with my baby. It had wrenched my arm
back so strongly, I was seen in the Emergency Room the next day. I don't care what anyone says, I know I couldn't have hurt myself that badly on my own. I know that I held it in my hand that night, I remember the
coldness as if it were yesterday.
During these incidents, there was no other visual sight of the entity, only its footprints denting the covers on my bed. There were many times that I knew it was coming for I could see its steps imprinting the bed, I'd
try to be quick and jump from my bed, only to be PUSHED BACK DOWN so it could hold me in its terrible grip. It knew I feared it more than anything else, and I know it enjoyed it. I remember so many times, watching the prints going across the bottom of my bed. I swear it would wait until I was trying to flee, only to push me back down. I believe it enjoyed the feelings I fed it, one moment the hope of escape, next the agony of no escape!! At times, I've kicked so hard and flailed my arms and legs so hard that the evidence of my struggles would be clear to see. Blankets and pillows strewn about the room, sore muscles from fighting
so hard to be free. Another thing I do know, once I had gained control of my emotions and stopped the fear from flowing through my veins, it would release me. As long as I struggled, it had power over me. This I
know in my heart. I was not the victim of sleep paralysis, though how I wish I was! I was the victim of a negative energy feeder and it thought it had my number!!! Another good reason is that, well, sleep paralysis
isn't contagious. In other words, being around someone who has sleep seizures doesn't make you catch it. If I have a chance to, I'll include a couple of events that my youngest son's father experienced. One of them
was very much the same as one of my "paralysis" episodes. I guarantee he may have caught a cold or flu bug from me a few times, but I know he didn't catch sleep paralysis from me!!!
If only I had known then, what I know now!! The years I lived in fear of when its next visit would be could be erased. For you see, the one thing I didn't know, was that I had the power to remove it from my life. I
just didn't know it, and I didn't know how to do it. But like I keep saying, that's a whole 'nother story!!