Post by aneaglesangel on Jun 6, 2006 16:28:29 GMT -5
This is VERY long, sorry, hard to even tell it in short version!
After nearly losing my life at the hands of the world (Heaven's Light) I went on a crash course. I partied like it was my birthday every chance I got. I drank, I smoked the herb, I popped mescalines whenever I had the chance. I hate to admit these things to anyone but I think it's important to know how little I cared about myself before I met Leo. My performance in all areas of my life defintely was under my potential. I skipped school and on the skating floor pretty much fell on my arse constantly. I couldn't land my simple jumps, yet I would try harder and crazier jumps just so I could take a fall. I sometimes wonder if I really wanted to hurt myself. Funny thing about this time is that even though I was a mess, I became popular. I sometimes wonder why, but now I think I know, misery loves company doesn't it? And many of these kids had their own misery that they lived through. I think I was lost in my own hurt and this was my way of fighting back.
Things would have gone on in this way for I don't know how long and I don't know where I would have ended up, if one day I hadn't looked up and caught the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life. I can never forget that moment and every time I call it up I can feel the moment overtake me. I was skating around the rink listening to my best friend talk. I happened to look up at the exact moment that an adorable blue eyed, blond haired boy looked back at me. Our eyes locked for a second and he smiled at me, it was the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I know my heart stopped for a moment and I still remember the way I felt inside, it was like falling, but in a good way. My friend happened to look up at my face at that moment and saw where my gaze was directed.
She later went and told Leo that I "liked him" as was the custom at the time in the mating ritual. He asked me to skate the "couples" session with him and I felt so nervous and excited as we held hands and skated around. I remember how nervous I was and that my heart was pounding the whole time. I remember he made me laugh. At the end of the night, he asked me for my phone number. At this time, another part of the mating ritual was never call a girl the next day you got her number, he called two days later and asked me on a date.
I remember how hard it was talking my parents into going on a car date. I had to assure them that we'd be with another couple and my parents had to meet him and his older brother "T" before the date. The night of the date was disasterous in a way for Leo and my mother ever having a good relationship. He was very nervous about meeting my parents and when he introduced himself to my mother, he stuttered, "h-h-hello, M-m-rs. "J-j-j". From that day forward, my mother considered him "stupid" and below me, if she had only known how smart and true he really was!!
To make a long story short that first date was the beginning of something beautiful. Leo was my first everything, first boyfriend, first love, first step toward the adult I would become. He asked me out on Novemeber 13, 1981 and for a year we were very happy and our love for each other grew. Leo was good for me, we explored many topics in our nightly discussions during our parking sessions down the street from my home. (If my mother had ever known, EEK! may she fly free on the other side.) He convinced me that I should apply myself in school and I actually started going again. I became a force to be reckoned with when I had my little skating skirt on and got ready to rumble. We were probably one of the most popular couples in the area and were invited to all social events. I was on top of the world and in love, what more could I ask for??
As our first year anniversary approached I received the news of my father's cancer and impending death. I think my grief and fear of admitting the secret of knowing of his death made me weak and vulnerable to the energy feeder that still plagued my sleep. In between the episodes with this spirit I had some recurring dreams that disturbed my waking days. One dream was an image of looking at Leo's beautiful blue eyes, and admiring them and their long black lashes, feeling the warmth of love for him, but then panic as I realize the TREES ARE UPSIDE DOWN!! Another dream was of something that was vaguely familiar but I could not recognize. It consisted of something shiny and sparkly, something a sort of rusty color that just seemed so familiar but I could not place, and something dark and ominous to the left of my view.
I never told Leo about these dreams or the entity that attacked me in the night. I believe I was still unsure of myself and utterly afraid that by telling him my secrets, I would surely lose him. One night we lay in his cutlass after the glow of love is settling down into your bones and looked up at the stars through the window. He told me some things that I still haven't forget, and to this day, I feel they were prophetic. He told me that he didn't believe the earth was the only place beings could live. He believed there were other worlds than these (Stephen King would love that one, Jake says this to the Gunslinger in one book!) and that when we die, we're not dead, but we go to another place depending on what we did with the life we were leaving. He said if you were a bad person then your next stop could be a bad place, but if you were good and did the best you could, the next stop for you would be a better one. He sat up suddenly and told me in a serious tone that if he ever did anything to hurt me in any way, he would want to die. He told me that he loved me more than life itself. It should have been comforting that someone loved me so much they'd give their life for me, but somehow it wasn't.
My father died on November 10, 1982, his funeral was on the 13th, which if you remember was the anniversary of mine and Leo's first year as a couple. He was there for me as I cried out the grief that had been with me not just for a few days, but years. He was my anchor in the storm. Things at home got really bad for me with my mother. We seemed to only fight and I felt as if she was focussing on me as a way to relieve her own grief. I ran away one night. I entered the house to screaming and ran out of the door to chase down Leo's car and jump in.
The next day, he brought me home. He said it was the right thing to do. When I turned 18 I could move out and he told me of the money he'd been saving for an apartment, AND engagement ring that he was hoping I'd accept. I told him I wasn't worried about a ring and he could buy me one anytime when we were doing better, I told him I'd accept his offer if he ever made it though!! As we drove down my home road I felt close to Leo for all his support and I laid down my head on his lap. I looked up into his face and admired his blue eyes with those long lashes, looking behind his head, the trees appeared upside down! I bolted upright as panic clutched my heart!! It was the vision from my dream!!! I can't tell you the dread that filled my entire being in that moment. When Leo asked what was wrong, I shrugged it off as nothing and remained silent.
Nineteen days after my father had passed, it was somewhat back to our usual routine. I had returned to skating and on a Sunday night remained after the public session for practice. Leo waited along with three of our friends that we were giving a ride home that night. It was pouring rain that night as we left a bit early so we'd have time to drop our friends and for a little parking before my curfew of course. We came to a light on the road and stopped. Leo looked over at me and told me he loved me, I smiled at him and told him I loved him and reached over so we could kiss. The light turned green and we proceeded into the rain shrouded night.
That was when hell broke loose. Suddenly we were spinning and I remember the way the yellow flashing light that should have been on my left was on my right then my left again. The force made the car whip around, I think twice and then we careened across the road into a telephone pole. I remember Leo saying, "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," under his breath. I remember how much I trusted Leo as a driver and I sat back and down into my seat even though I felt my stomach drop. I think Leo must have seen what was coming, though I never did. It happened so fast. Throwing himself into me and holding me back in the seat, Leo took the brunt of the hit from the telephone pole as it plowed two feet into the car in my lap.
I opened my eyes after the collision and there I beheld my dream vision. The sparkly stuff was the windshield, broken, with rain running down it catching in the oncoming headlights. The rusty colored thing I knew was familiar was nothing more than the car door, wrapped around a telephone pole giving it an unrecognizable shape. The dark and ominous shape to my left was the telephone pole that had taken out my right thigh and Leo's left thigh, and entire right side of his head. When I looked at this image, I think something happened inside my brain, for I could just not accept the images my eyes were sending out.
Though I can remember the details that actually happened now, I could not see them at the time. I did not see the blood that was coming from Leo's ears, nose and mouth. No, I couldn't see it, for I knew exactly what it meant. I only saw Leo crying, I only saw that he was sad thinking he had hurt me. So I stroked his hair and I told him it was all right baby, see I'm ok. Don't cry baby, everything's gonna be alright. But then the rescuers came and I was well into shock by now. I saw them as my enemies, they came and pulled Leo out quickly as his injuries were critical. This was a big mistake on their part. Let's get ready to rumble. I to this day feel sorry for those workers. As they tried to save me I gave them every thing I had!!! I believed them to have kidnapped Leo from me and they were trying to take me away where they would rape, kill, then tie a brick around my stump legs (couldn't feel them, thought they were cut off) and drop me off the Fairhaven Bridge. After working with the jaws of life for 3 hours they were able to free me around my flying fists.
Our friend "R" rode in the ambulance to the hospital. He told me all the way there, Leo kept calling my name. Later that night, at 4:55 a.m. on November 29, 1982, Leo's body gave out. His brain injury was critical and the swelling couldn't be stopped. I was told he was brain dead by the time he arrived at the hospital. But yet, his mother told me later that he still called my name almost to his last moment. It sill gives me chills to think on that fact even to this day. I don't think his body was talking, I believe it was his soul!
I am sorry this is soo long!!! I wanted to share it with everyone for as you'll see when I have completed the whole series of stories that I'm going to relate, that love doesn't end when someone passes on. It does live forever. There will be a few more stories that I relate before I finish this part of the story but I think when all is said and done, you will believe as I do, that Leo is always with me. He lives in my heart and my soul. Every day since he's been gone, I began to have a strange habit. I have an eye for the beauty around me and sometimes can't help but stop in my tracks at a beautiful sight. But ever since Leo has been gone, I'd always take a good look, then I'd look again and that time it was for Leo. Now that I know more and have a better grasp of things, I do believe that he can see these images I send to him. For we are connected forever by his act of heroism and then by the words of his soul as he called my name in his dying moments. As you'll see later on, I've got good reason to believe he is still here with me. And why I believe that someday, Leo and I will meet again and then we'll lock talons and fly!!!
Just some pics. The first is Leo, the second is the damned car that took him. If you notice, the damage is all on the passenger's side, where I was sitting. I'm sure if he hadn't tried to save me, he would have been alright, me, I'm not sure I would have survived this crash. The telephone pole was over 2 feet inside the car.
I apologize to anyone who knew my eagle! I hope these stories don't hurt anyone. I have to tell you that Leo didn't only save my life that day, he continues to save it even now. In my eyes, he is really my angel!!
After nearly losing my life at the hands of the world (Heaven's Light) I went on a crash course. I partied like it was my birthday every chance I got. I drank, I smoked the herb, I popped mescalines whenever I had the chance. I hate to admit these things to anyone but I think it's important to know how little I cared about myself before I met Leo. My performance in all areas of my life defintely was under my potential. I skipped school and on the skating floor pretty much fell on my arse constantly. I couldn't land my simple jumps, yet I would try harder and crazier jumps just so I could take a fall. I sometimes wonder if I really wanted to hurt myself. Funny thing about this time is that even though I was a mess, I became popular. I sometimes wonder why, but now I think I know, misery loves company doesn't it? And many of these kids had their own misery that they lived through. I think I was lost in my own hurt and this was my way of fighting back.
Things would have gone on in this way for I don't know how long and I don't know where I would have ended up, if one day I hadn't looked up and caught the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life. I can never forget that moment and every time I call it up I can feel the moment overtake me. I was skating around the rink listening to my best friend talk. I happened to look up at the exact moment that an adorable blue eyed, blond haired boy looked back at me. Our eyes locked for a second and he smiled at me, it was the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I know my heart stopped for a moment and I still remember the way I felt inside, it was like falling, but in a good way. My friend happened to look up at my face at that moment and saw where my gaze was directed.
She later went and told Leo that I "liked him" as was the custom at the time in the mating ritual. He asked me to skate the "couples" session with him and I felt so nervous and excited as we held hands and skated around. I remember how nervous I was and that my heart was pounding the whole time. I remember he made me laugh. At the end of the night, he asked me for my phone number. At this time, another part of the mating ritual was never call a girl the next day you got her number, he called two days later and asked me on a date.
I remember how hard it was talking my parents into going on a car date. I had to assure them that we'd be with another couple and my parents had to meet him and his older brother "T" before the date. The night of the date was disasterous in a way for Leo and my mother ever having a good relationship. He was very nervous about meeting my parents and when he introduced himself to my mother, he stuttered, "h-h-hello, M-m-rs. "J-j-j". From that day forward, my mother considered him "stupid" and below me, if she had only known how smart and true he really was!!
To make a long story short that first date was the beginning of something beautiful. Leo was my first everything, first boyfriend, first love, first step toward the adult I would become. He asked me out on Novemeber 13, 1981 and for a year we were very happy and our love for each other grew. Leo was good for me, we explored many topics in our nightly discussions during our parking sessions down the street from my home. (If my mother had ever known, EEK! may she fly free on the other side.) He convinced me that I should apply myself in school and I actually started going again. I became a force to be reckoned with when I had my little skating skirt on and got ready to rumble. We were probably one of the most popular couples in the area and were invited to all social events. I was on top of the world and in love, what more could I ask for??
As our first year anniversary approached I received the news of my father's cancer and impending death. I think my grief and fear of admitting the secret of knowing of his death made me weak and vulnerable to the energy feeder that still plagued my sleep. In between the episodes with this spirit I had some recurring dreams that disturbed my waking days. One dream was an image of looking at Leo's beautiful blue eyes, and admiring them and their long black lashes, feeling the warmth of love for him, but then panic as I realize the TREES ARE UPSIDE DOWN!! Another dream was of something that was vaguely familiar but I could not recognize. It consisted of something shiny and sparkly, something a sort of rusty color that just seemed so familiar but I could not place, and something dark and ominous to the left of my view.
I never told Leo about these dreams or the entity that attacked me in the night. I believe I was still unsure of myself and utterly afraid that by telling him my secrets, I would surely lose him. One night we lay in his cutlass after the glow of love is settling down into your bones and looked up at the stars through the window. He told me some things that I still haven't forget, and to this day, I feel they were prophetic. He told me that he didn't believe the earth was the only place beings could live. He believed there were other worlds than these (Stephen King would love that one, Jake says this to the Gunslinger in one book!) and that when we die, we're not dead, but we go to another place depending on what we did with the life we were leaving. He said if you were a bad person then your next stop could be a bad place, but if you were good and did the best you could, the next stop for you would be a better one. He sat up suddenly and told me in a serious tone that if he ever did anything to hurt me in any way, he would want to die. He told me that he loved me more than life itself. It should have been comforting that someone loved me so much they'd give their life for me, but somehow it wasn't.
My father died on November 10, 1982, his funeral was on the 13th, which if you remember was the anniversary of mine and Leo's first year as a couple. He was there for me as I cried out the grief that had been with me not just for a few days, but years. He was my anchor in the storm. Things at home got really bad for me with my mother. We seemed to only fight and I felt as if she was focussing on me as a way to relieve her own grief. I ran away one night. I entered the house to screaming and ran out of the door to chase down Leo's car and jump in.
The next day, he brought me home. He said it was the right thing to do. When I turned 18 I could move out and he told me of the money he'd been saving for an apartment, AND engagement ring that he was hoping I'd accept. I told him I wasn't worried about a ring and he could buy me one anytime when we were doing better, I told him I'd accept his offer if he ever made it though!! As we drove down my home road I felt close to Leo for all his support and I laid down my head on his lap. I looked up into his face and admired his blue eyes with those long lashes, looking behind his head, the trees appeared upside down! I bolted upright as panic clutched my heart!! It was the vision from my dream!!! I can't tell you the dread that filled my entire being in that moment. When Leo asked what was wrong, I shrugged it off as nothing and remained silent.
Nineteen days after my father had passed, it was somewhat back to our usual routine. I had returned to skating and on a Sunday night remained after the public session for practice. Leo waited along with three of our friends that we were giving a ride home that night. It was pouring rain that night as we left a bit early so we'd have time to drop our friends and for a little parking before my curfew of course. We came to a light on the road and stopped. Leo looked over at me and told me he loved me, I smiled at him and told him I loved him and reached over so we could kiss. The light turned green and we proceeded into the rain shrouded night.
That was when hell broke loose. Suddenly we were spinning and I remember the way the yellow flashing light that should have been on my left was on my right then my left again. The force made the car whip around, I think twice and then we careened across the road into a telephone pole. I remember Leo saying, "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," under his breath. I remember how much I trusted Leo as a driver and I sat back and down into my seat even though I felt my stomach drop. I think Leo must have seen what was coming, though I never did. It happened so fast. Throwing himself into me and holding me back in the seat, Leo took the brunt of the hit from the telephone pole as it plowed two feet into the car in my lap.
I opened my eyes after the collision and there I beheld my dream vision. The sparkly stuff was the windshield, broken, with rain running down it catching in the oncoming headlights. The rusty colored thing I knew was familiar was nothing more than the car door, wrapped around a telephone pole giving it an unrecognizable shape. The dark and ominous shape to my left was the telephone pole that had taken out my right thigh and Leo's left thigh, and entire right side of his head. When I looked at this image, I think something happened inside my brain, for I could just not accept the images my eyes were sending out.
Though I can remember the details that actually happened now, I could not see them at the time. I did not see the blood that was coming from Leo's ears, nose and mouth. No, I couldn't see it, for I knew exactly what it meant. I only saw Leo crying, I only saw that he was sad thinking he had hurt me. So I stroked his hair and I told him it was all right baby, see I'm ok. Don't cry baby, everything's gonna be alright. But then the rescuers came and I was well into shock by now. I saw them as my enemies, they came and pulled Leo out quickly as his injuries were critical. This was a big mistake on their part. Let's get ready to rumble. I to this day feel sorry for those workers. As they tried to save me I gave them every thing I had!!! I believed them to have kidnapped Leo from me and they were trying to take me away where they would rape, kill, then tie a brick around my stump legs (couldn't feel them, thought they were cut off) and drop me off the Fairhaven Bridge. After working with the jaws of life for 3 hours they were able to free me around my flying fists.
Our friend "R" rode in the ambulance to the hospital. He told me all the way there, Leo kept calling my name. Later that night, at 4:55 a.m. on November 29, 1982, Leo's body gave out. His brain injury was critical and the swelling couldn't be stopped. I was told he was brain dead by the time he arrived at the hospital. But yet, his mother told me later that he still called my name almost to his last moment. It sill gives me chills to think on that fact even to this day. I don't think his body was talking, I believe it was his soul!
I am sorry this is soo long!!! I wanted to share it with everyone for as you'll see when I have completed the whole series of stories that I'm going to relate, that love doesn't end when someone passes on. It does live forever. There will be a few more stories that I relate before I finish this part of the story but I think when all is said and done, you will believe as I do, that Leo is always with me. He lives in my heart and my soul. Every day since he's been gone, I began to have a strange habit. I have an eye for the beauty around me and sometimes can't help but stop in my tracks at a beautiful sight. But ever since Leo has been gone, I'd always take a good look, then I'd look again and that time it was for Leo. Now that I know more and have a better grasp of things, I do believe that he can see these images I send to him. For we are connected forever by his act of heroism and then by the words of his soul as he called my name in his dying moments. As you'll see later on, I've got good reason to believe he is still here with me. And why I believe that someday, Leo and I will meet again and then we'll lock talons and fly!!!
Just some pics. The first is Leo, the second is the damned car that took him. If you notice, the damage is all on the passenger's side, where I was sitting. I'm sure if he hadn't tried to save me, he would have been alright, me, I'm not sure I would have survived this crash. The telephone pole was over 2 feet inside the car.
I apologize to anyone who knew my eagle! I hope these stories don't hurt anyone. I have to tell you that Leo didn't only save my life that day, he continues to save it even now. In my eyes, he is really my angel!!
