Aneaglesangel 1: Haunted Angel

[aneaglesangel]

This will take me a bit of cut and pasting to get them on here. I hope you like them, and I hope they answer any questions anyone has. If you have questions, feel free. I like to explore the possibilities of what happened to me. I'm still convinced to this day that I had a negative energy feeder. I am still convinced the spirits that are still with me are positive spirits and I no longer need to fear them! I think you'll understand more when I've got all the stories on here!

I'm going to tell you my story and it will be quite long so I'm going to split it up into pieces. I'm going to try to go along in a chronological order. If anyone can come up with a logical explanation for the events that have followed me my entire life, I'd surely like to hear them all! I have read more books than I can count on all subjects paranormal and some about sleep paralysis and NDE's also. I think I have a pretty good working knowledge of all these areas so I do believe if there was an explanation I would have thought about it by now! After all I've had 30 years to think about all of this.

This is not truly a haunted part of my life, but it began with this since it's one of the first incidents that I can say was definitely something paranormal in nature. I do not believe that deja vu is a seizure. I don't think it's possible to be stuck in a seizure for 9 years and why I say that will become evident as I tell my stories. Hope you enjoy, for this is my haunted life. I don't mind sharing, I do believe somehow there is a message in these events. To me it is a positive message, yes I've struggled with these events. But I learned what the most powerful force is, one that can't be beat, even by death.

The first event that I experienced would probably be considered more of a psychic experience. But for me, I was haunted by it, for what could I do with these events that were out of my control. After all I was 8 years old and as the years went by this was one of the factors that contributed to my being troubled. Maybe it even led to the events that will be in my next story. A troubled youth can be extremely open to things that go bump in the night!!

I can never forget this day as long as I live. I must have had some kind of trouble sleeping and maybe bad dreams, at least that was what I thought to myself. I was eight, and for some reason, I felt a horrible sadness in my heart. I remember looking up at the blue sky as I waited for the bus and watching the geese fly by in "v" formations feeling even more sad as I watched them fly away. Thoughts kept coming into my head and I kept shoving them away. I kept trying to see the beauty all around me in the flawless November day, the air was crisp the colors of the forest were at their brightest. The sky above was a deep color of blue I can only remember from my childhood. No matter how I tried words came unbidden into my mind. "My father is going to die before I turn 18." I tried to hide my tears as I got on the bus and for years I tried to push this knowledge away. Maybe if I never said anything it wouldn't happen.

I kept running the dream through my head trying to sort it out but couldn't. All I could remember of it was that it was like a flash of an image in my head. I saw a tan background then I saw something black splatter on it. How could this tell me my father was going to die before I turned 18? I don't know but I do know one thing, I just KNEW somehow. I had always had vivid dreams, and I'd always had flashes of this nature but most of them were silly little things. Like what the teacher was going to write on the board, or being in a place I'd seen, or someone saying something I'd heard before.

Somewhere within the next two years, I began being attacked by a negative energy feeding spirit(the details of which will be another thread). Maybe it found me by feeling my sorrow. I held it inside and wouldn't say a word, maybe if I never did my dad would be ok. He meant the world to me and taught me everything I know. I am what I am today because of him.
But in the end I had two secrets, one was this spirit, the other my father's impending doom. I never told a soul I kept my secrets tight. My father's secret only because I truly believed if I never said it I could make it not come true. The negative energy feeder, I just knew if I told someone, they'd lock me up and throw away the key!!!

The years went by and I tried to be a happy kid. I tried to do the things all the other normal kids did, but I guess I just was never normal, these events and my secret were wearing me thin. As the time marched on I reached my 17th year. I was in love with Leo at the time and I had never felt better in my life. I had it all going for me then. I was popular, I had the sweetest boyfriend a girl could ever ask for and I was actually going to school again because of him. Yes I was a terribly confused brat before he entered my life. Things were looking up and even though I still had my secret and my spirit I thought I was on top of the world, as long as I didn't think about the entity. Only when I was in the throes of an attack would I think about it, and then only enough to gain calmness in order to fight my way free.

I began to have flashes almost every night. I became so weak and tired from not sleeping that I became an easy target and also had more attacks in the night. I saw something that was a rusty color and something sparkly. I knew they looked d**ned familiar but I could not place them. The flashes haunted me during my waking hours, I was frightened, I knew them but couldn't put my finger on them. I was still afraid at the time of what anyone would think, and afraid that I would lose Leo if I told him about it. More and more flashes kept coming, and they kept coming true. I began to get nervous about things and felt like everywhere I turned, doom was knocking on my door. I couldn't shake the feeling and my performance in all things deteriorated. My grades fell and I was cleaning the floor with my butt at roller skating practices. Panic seemed to flutter its wings in my heart all the time.

Then a day came when I came home to find all my sisters in the house sitting with my mother in the living room. I already knew what they were going to tell me as they sat me down and my sisters gathered around me preparing for the storm. See they knew I was daddy's girl, they knew how close we were so they were ready to support me when they broke the news. I'm sure they weren't prepared for the way I reacted. My mother spoke and what she told me I had been expecting for 9 years, she told me my father had cancer and that the doctor had given him weeks to a few months to live. I wonder now what went through my sisters and mother's minds when I had no reaction to this news. You see I already knew, and from that moment on I cursed myself for never saying anything. For not at least trying to warn my dad. You don't know the guilt trip I went on for years over this. I have since forgiven myself since I don't think telling could have saved my dad. There is the chance that yes, my dad may have taken better care of himself and maybe instead of thinking he had an ulcer and drinking maalox all the time he would have gotten checked out. But who can really say what anyone can do to change the future and I do believe that sometimes certain things just HAVE to be. I've also learned there are things we can't control no matter how much we wish we could.

My father died 6 weeks later on a beautiful November day just like the one that as a little girl I had stood waiting for the bus. The sun shone, the sky was that certain color blue of New England in the Autumn, the trees flashed fiery brilliance with their colors. My mother had gone to the hospital the night before with my sister. They had not allowed me to go and they left just saying he'd taken a turn for the worse. It's been hard to forgive them that I wasn't allowed my father's last moments. As I sat waiting for word, the phone rang and I instantly picked it up. The person on the other end of the phone told me they were from Rock Funeral home and they'd like to get some information on Omer, which irked me since my father liked to be called "Chuck"!! I remember my voice asking him if that meant my father had died. He apologized and told me he would call back later. That was how I found out he was gone, though I had already felt it in my heart.

At the funeral, the wake there were many who came to pay last respects to my father. He was well liked and a very intelligent man who ran a company in the city I live in now. Leo waited outside in his 70 Olds Cutlass for me so the family could have some time alone in their grief. The sisters came to the coffin and gathered around. I felt numb and empty inside. I still hadn't cried. I watched not saying a word as my sisters hugged my father, brushed his cheeks and cried as one. Silent tears ran down my face as I stood watching. As one of my sisters wept, a single tear drop fell from her face, it was laden with mascara. I watched as it dropped, marring the perfect stainless material of my father's suit. That was it for me! There was my flash as a child and it had come to pass after all!! I ran out the doors of the funeral home and into the waiting car and arms of Leo.

I'm not sure how long he held me as I cried. He never stopped holding me and he weathered the storm with me the best he could. I know he cried tears also for I felt them wetting my hair as I clutched onto his shirt and sobbed my misery out. Later he drove me home.

As the days passed the flashes kept coming, the spirit kept visiting. I was lost in my misery. Still the one flash had not come to be and it kept coming more and more often. I drove myself silly trying to recognize the color and the sparkling substance in the flash of vision I would see. Leo was my port in the storm during these horrible days. He was there for me as my mother drove my to the end of my rope. I could do nothing right and could not be even 1 minute late. She was so lost in her own grief I think I became her whipping post. Things got tough all over for me, but the one thing I could depend on to see me through the storm was Leo. We stayed together and talked so much during those days. I always will remember them in my heart. Eighteen days later the newer flashes came to be and my Leo was lost to me. But that's a whole 'nother story!

Sorry so long but I wanted it to be complete this time. Hope you can bear it, I'll fire up the blender so you can at least have a drink while you read!

[lildebcc]

Well, if you had yourself on a guilt trip for years because of what you knew and didn't speak of, about your father, then maybe that's why the NEF came after you; and stuck close. Sounds like a Shadow looking for negative energies to feed off of. And you were the 24/7 fast food place for it.

I saw someone's death about a month before they actually died. It was my sister-in-law's father. Had a vivid dream about going to a funeral home with my mother. She parked the car, we walked down the sidewalk to a building, went inside, there was a fountain and stairs on either side of it, a small room off to the right of the hallway with an organ in it, and the first time I saw my sister-in-law in the dream, she was standing on the left side of the hallway all dressed in black with her makeup running down her face, and she was standing in fog. My mother and I walked to the end of the hallway, down two steps and into a big room, and her father was laying down among many flowers at the other side of the room.

About a month later I heard that he fell from a third story balcony and died. When my mother and I were driving to the wake, I described the inside of the funeral home (it was in Boston and I had never been to it before). Described the fountain, etc. to a tee. The room with the organ was a small chapel, and the first time I saw my sister-in-law, she was coming up a set of stairs from a smoking room (which explainers the fog in the dream). And the rest was the same as the dream.

I was only about 12 at the time, and I know how it feels to hold onto stuff like that. I had had other prophetic dreams before this one, but this one was way over the top for me.

I did have a dream that I drowned, and was actually able to avert it happening (obviously ) when I found myself at a pond and the dejevu thing started happening, and I remembered the dream. >^o.o^<

[aneaglesangel]

Wow! I'm glad you had the dream and saved yourself!!! I've had a couple of those too. The most recent one, I believe I was going to cut myself in my kitchen doing dishes. This was the only time I had one of these happen when I was awake. I was cleaning that day and as I walked past the kitchen I looked in there, and in my mind I saw myself standing at the kitchen sink. I was holding up my arm and blood was spurting out and running down my arm. I was featherfooting doing the dishes because the vision had bothered me. I picked up a glass that I had to reach right into to clean the bottom. Normally I'd shove my hand in and aggresively swish the sponge around inside. Luckily I did it carefully so that when the glass suddenly exploded in my hands, I averted being cut as badly as my vision showed, though I am still missing a little bit of my pinkie finger. Later I measured the glass, and I figure if I'd shoved my hand down into that glass the way I normally do, I probably would have hit the veins in my wrist and probably could have bled to death. I was glad the vision had happened.

I think it was alot harder for me when I was younger though. I was confused, I didn't know others had these types of things happen to them. And even if they did, if they talked about it, people thought they were freaks, so it wasn't something I was likely to hear anyone converse about, LOL! The funny thing is, I didn't realize how many more people out there have experienced something similar. I'm glad that in our day and age, sharing evidence and stories is much more common than when we were kids!

[lildebcc]

Thinking back, I never remember feeling weird about having prophetic dreams, hearing and seeing spirits, etc. I never talked about any of this with anyone, except once in a while with my mother. But then again, my mother and some of her brothers, sisters, and even a few of her friends, always used to tell stories of 'weird' things that had happened to them throughout their lives. So maybe that's why I always thought all of this was just part of life for some people. With that, I have always been comfortable with my abilities. Come to find out, both of my children are sensatives too. And I made sure, from when they were little, that they understood what was happening and helped them understand their abilities as best I could. >^o.o^<

[aneaglesangel]

Your sons are lucky to have you! I wish I had someone when I was a kid to talk about this stuff with. Noone in my family talked about anything like this!! Both of my sons are also sensitive, they have dreams that come true and so far one of them has proven to be a ghost magnet, and I think the youngest will too. I've been very open with them about these things. My oldest is still a bit afraid, he remembers the negative energy feeder, my youngest is practically fearless, he barely remembers at all. By the time he was old enough to remember, I had gotten rid of the bugger!! I think the best thing for kids with sensitivities is to talk to them and assure them they are not alone in this. It's funny, but I see the difference between how they were raised and how I was raised. I admit I couldn't help but talk to them about it, they were scared many times, but I think being open and honest with them helped them to adjust much more easily than I did. It never had to be a secret for them, they knew they had me to talk to they knew I would listen, they knew I'd understand. You don't know how many times I wish I'd had that as a child. But then again, sometimes I think some things are meant to be. I guess we can call it "conditoning" LOL!! Just being there for them lildeb is one of the greatest gifts you can give them!!!

[lildebcc]

I was careful with my kids when they were younger; never told them too much. Didn't want to invite nightmares to them. As they got older, they asked questions and I answered with just enough information; like my Mother did for me.

When they got older, they told their friends about the 'family gifts' as it were, and their friends would always love it when I told them ghost stories.

Hardest thing was, when their friends would ask specific questions about ghosts or hauntings. I would always ask them what their parents said about such topics. More often than not, the kids said they would never approach their parents with that kind of information. So, there in was my problem. I had to be very careful what I said to other people's children, especially if they were under aged. I would just listen to their stories and give general comments about what they said, and always suggest that they try to talk with their parents or a family member about it. I think that's about when I decided that I wanted to go into counseling! >^o.o^<

[aneaglesangel]

That's awesome! I know exactly how those kids felt, I could never approach my parents with this stuff!! It was hard when we had the negative energy feeder in the house. At first I was at a loss what to tell them, and I didn't want to scare them, but in all truth, I didn't know what the heck it was either. And my youngest, well, he was very sensitive as a baby, he used to say some really weird stuff that would freak me out, lol! But I had to be careful and be as truthful as I could, looking back I think I did the right thing. It was hard too, the bigger one saw more stuff and was frightened more than the littler one. Alot of times I had to speak to them seperately. They both show that they are sensitive, but I think in different ways, it's hard to explain. For my oldest, the scars remain because he remembers the terror, as did I. The younger, doesn't remember the frightening bed shakes and such, so they've both grown in different ways because of it.

Though my eldest is a bit more scared if that's even the way to say it, he is pretty brave about spirits. He lives in another town where he works right now, and the house he lives in with relatives of ours, has a haunting. An intelligent haunting with a full apparition of a man. It used to be a funeral parlor and a man killed himself in the house. Funny, it's smack dab in the middle of the Bridgewater Triangle, LOL! But, boy, how that apparition loves to show itself to my son! He seems to know when I'm going to visit too, he'll be seen going to the windows across the lving room! My son stood his ground with a full apparition and even tried communicating with him!! So it's weird, how they've been conditioned, many people would have run screaming, but my boys have seen worse, much worse, so just a little thing like a full bodied apparition or other strange occurences doesn't even phaze them! Does this make sense to you? I'd actually like to write an article about it. Being conditioned by spirit contact. I am pretty sure it would take something pretty mean and bad for me to high-tail it, I've been touched and had many things happen since I've gotten back into the paranormal. I admit, when I was trying to ignore the paranormal I was afraid of it, and I would have run if something scared me. But now that I've come to terms with it all, I no longer fear. Like I say, I was touched, the last time only a couple months ago, during an active time in my house, I spun around, expecting, well, to see Leo. There was noone there, but I've now come to realize it wasn't Leo who touched me those two times that I recently experienced, it was a female spirit, I've come to call Rita. Now I spun around to see what touched me, disappointed nothing was there. A few years ago, I would have told it to get out of my house, I would have been upset. Now, I've finally come to realize, this is my life, I'm meant to be around spirits, I feel it's time I did just that!!

I dont' know, does anyone understand how I feel? I've lived with them for a long time, afraid of them, now it's like a door opened up for me, it's supposed to be this way for me. If I dont' stand up, face it, and explore it all, I may as well just live my life in fear. I'd much rather not!!

[lildebcc]

I can't say that I have ever lived in fear with the paranormal. Respect, yeah! I do get rattled at times, but being able to rationally think about what something could or could not be helps. Even though it may take a while to think rationally after you've been rattled by something.

I'm not sure if it's conditioning or just an innate ability that comes out when it's supposed to. I always figured that if you are born as a sensitive or psychic, you have the knowledge of what to do hidden in that deep, dark place in your brain - some part that most people don't even use. It's just a matter of consciously tapping into that area and getting it to work for you. Well, :Pthat's my 2-cents worth on that subject anyway. >^o.o^<

[aneaglesangel]

Hmm, that does make sense, but in my case I think I'm a little different. I made myself believe all spirits were bad and that I had to fear them. Since they wouldn't leave, I ignored them. If they produced activity I ran away from it, or became terrified. I ran away from activity, I pretended it didn't happen, even though I knew that it was really happening. The funny thing is, it never felt right for some reason, part of me just had to know about it. So, now that I've finally decided to face it, I feel right for the first time in my life. By conditioning, I mean that over the years, even though I tried to run away from it, I've been naturally conditioned by spirits. I've been thrown, held down and traumatized by one nasty spirit. So now when a spirit touches me, it seems natural. I am excited by spirits now! I want to see them, feel them, talk to them! I think if my life had been different, it might bother me to be touched by a spirit. So I can't help but say I'm conditioned, because now I feel so differently about things and because I feel this is where I belong, and did right from the beginning. So whatever my talent is, I'm trying to face it, I don't know if I'll ever be 100% because it's a hard thing to have your abilities scared out of you. For my whole life I hid from it, I denied it, now I can't do that anymore, and it just feels right. Does that make sense to you? I feel like this is my job and part of it is to recover what I've lost and do what I can. I just belong here somehow??! Being with others like myself sure helps a real lot!! I dont' feel so all alone anymore, I don't feel so frightened anymore. I feel a part of something greater than myself, and all of my ghost buddies are a big part of it!! We'll have to get together one of these days and talk it over! I think it'll take a lot to explain it all and how I got to be where I am today, LOL! I have to say it's been great and I've found some really awesome ghost people, who've helped me more than I could ever say!!